A Small Poetry....A BIG.....Thought......!!!!!!!

Life is to live, the way it wants,
Even what you ask or I want.

But as we know, we have a hope,
Even life hangs, in the single rope.

We have to stand, and think of the change,
Hope changes in us, don’t brings any change.

The path u go, will be followed by some,
Any of the tides, can’t wipe it none.

Into the Horizon, the path so ends,
May be the sea dries, where your foot prints tends ………….

Thanx & Regards,

Sandeep

A Night in a Cinema Hall……..

It was the day 24th August 2009 I had my office and after my works is completed …. Point to be noted I don’t have office timing; it can end early in the afternoon or can extend up to late hours till midnight.
Fortunately I was released by 5:30 in the evening and sitting idle at the room for 10 to 15 minutes I realized why not to see a movie its long I haven’t. Then I decided to break all barriers and pull me out of my tiredness and explore the roads of Bhadrak and move to the Cinema Hall. Moving on all alone with my loneliness I entered the Cinema Hall by buying a ticket of worth Rs.24.55 as printed in the tickets. As compared to the present cost of ticket of Bhubaneswar, it’s all about V.I.P place sitting in the Balcony. I thought as if one of the V.I.P among the people present in the theater and walk in straight into the Balcony. As I put my steps into the arena I found myself as the only one to be there in the place. Even I was offered by the torch man to sit at any place in the Balcony and especially a fan on top of my head was switched on only for me…….. It was really a V.I .P treatment after all.
As on watching an Oriya Film name “Sate Sure Lekha ye Jibana” starring Anubhav the star of Oriya industry, and it was all about half time when I started looking at something else ……….
I came to hear a sound “Bad…Mat..Bhaj… Mug….Chi….” listening it mindfully I came to a conclusion of what was the sound, it was “Badam, Matar Bhaja, Muga and Chips” I then recognized it was someone who was same the height of the chairs and moving all around the place to search for a customer in the dark. Even he doesn’t know it was only me present out over there…… the darkness had made him bound of struggling to search for a customer what I guess ….. Sitting idle and looking at the big screen for an hour I broke my silence and called him ….. He was as big and tall as a total of 3 hands of mine. Wasn’t able to see his face in the dark (sorry not able to explain him appearance). I wiped my hand in his head and felt he liked it as if he was happy like anything and asked to me……….”What you want?” I said what you have? Because I want to hear the same words which I concentrated hard to understand.iit was “Badam, Matar Bhaja, Muga and Chips” I got a pack of chips from him to start my conversation and the first Question from me was: What is your name? To be really socked he replied his name is “HELP”. How come someone can have a name like “HELP” does it sounds like a name!!!!!
With repeated questions from me one after another I felt he is moving back slowly to avoid my shooting questions. He made me feel like a stranger for him at that time but somehow I managed to gain his confidence and feel him comfortable, with a talk for a while with him he had to leave me alone in the darkness of the theater and compel me to use my mind.
There comes the Story after the interval, I was looking at the big screen and my head was plotting another story ….. It was all together two movies I was seeing at the same time…… all about how can someone be called “HELP” by everybody and is it his real name???
Was he been there to HELP me watching the movie alone or was it the sign of the almighty that I need help from every one every time to find my lost way in this world. I thought deep into my heart, am I lost and the word “HELP” was very much necessary to be reminded in every stage????
Pulling my thoughts into the box of my mind ….. Gathering everything ……… I tried for the conclusion and ended with all my pretty worthy feeling to move once again to the same theatre when I get time and here the hard words of “Bad…Mat..Bhaj… Mug….Chi….” and ask the 3 hands long somebody what’s your name……..is it “HELP”.

The Unspoken Touch…..

Being like every lower middle class people I do also travel by bus…. Moving from Bhubaneswar to Bhadrak in the Weak days for my job on every Monday, It’s a different feeling for me…all together…..

It is the time when I am at Badambadi Stand of Cuttack every Monday, I used to search for some one whom I don’t know but still my eyes and heart stride with pain if I don’t see her, she is the one who meets me every Monday in the bus stop with an expectation to meet on next Monday.

She begs for her living and the time she sees me she had a different smile on her face every time, don’t know why I have a weakness for her to see her every Monday and same as of her …. Then I feel you don’t have to communicate even to share how you feel it’s the other who need to understand how you feel for ….

The little smile for that few minutes is the only happiness what I gather when I am at that place the said “Unknown Touch”. The life makes you puzzled at some time how a person who don’t know you still matter for you so much, but I guess I must be the one of the millions of passenger who travel through the same place and how come someone remember me every time and give me a smile of greet every time I am there.

Then I some what feel in my heart there is something which touches you so hard and it’s difficult to get out of it…. You forget things very often but memories lies at the back of the head.

This is unspeakable and inexpressible, but never gets off our mind till the end.

Shinking Mind....(Couple of Days)

Missed out two days ..... of my blogging ........... hum ..... hope i find myself in a safe place to do nothing in the day... Some days you are very much intrested to do nothing, no to work, no to the daily routine, no to get indulged in any matter, no to meet friends, no to share any thing with any one and ends up with sleeping the whole day, eating home cooked foods and watching TV if bored of sleeping. The same was of the day Sunday 22nd March 2009.

So missed the blog for Saturday. It was Saturday evening i returned back to Bhubaneswar from Bhadrak hoping to feel myself in into the hometown, to smell the presence of the known wind which blows in my hometown. It took me 3 hours to reach BBSR, i was just watching the time in my mobile in every 15 minutes thinking will i be late and calculating the time distance calculation and at end ends up with no result, as i am poor in calculation....hummm....

Sunday meant a lot when you are young. No School, no tension to rise up early from bed, stay away for a day from the teachers who pull your ears in any misconduct occourance. Sunday is deffrent for someone who is in a official job. No office reporting, extended lunch hour, spare time to spend for all extracaricular activities- movies, dinner, games, hanging out with friends. Being a professional Sunday has its own meaning.
How come i be so indulged into homeseakness, even i dont belive my self i stayed in the house for the hole day, having no intensio0n to do any thing diffrent just to feel i am in my home. All the happiness i used to get before .... roaming here and there and freeking with friends all day has no meaning now for me.

Hello!!! .... Hey....Hey.......Hey........... is it me.. Am i the same Sandeep i was before ............. the question put me into a lot off problems, will every one accept me with thios change.... how come it will affect my social life..... Ummm .... Don't know what will happen. Keeping my finger crossed for the future......hoping the blank pages would be filled up soon.

Sunday passed by and at end i was found with my thoughts and me together all alone ....... packing myself for the next weak cycle of my job life..... and planning and scheduling for the next Sunday to come......... but still in dought wether i will be taht much excited to come back once again. Because i am dead for my expectations and rules for the social life i was in few years back.

Pulled up my collar high, and walking tall expecting will end somewhere, where my parents will be happy of seeing me, I know apart from my parents, there are few more people who will be much more happier than me in my success.

For the sake of there expectation i leave for, this place sucks but put me back into the seat myself for every one who care for me. I dont have a mouth to express but people who know me they understand the silence communication even untold.
Very much different of all and putting my self into puzzled and get confused is my caracter. Hoping this shell breaks someday and i fly high in the sky with nothing to think of.

Bye for now..........and again promise to come back. Thanks for reading the blog.

Thanx & Bye

Sandeep Das

All Alone.....in Dark.....

Blogging..........i am very much new to this system of sharing the notes of our experiance to people whome you dont know in the internet, who read what in your blog, and conclude what, is not a matter of fact for me. Something or nothing what i want to share with me and ask me when i am sitting idle and thinking off is what i want to capture it in a systematic way is what i feel blogging is...........
It was 20th March 2009, evening 7.30 PM when i was in my room as off everyday alone listening to music to make me feel relaxed from all the tension of office and my inbalance created by my mind for my future and my personal life. Suddenly the sky got blue with thunder shoughting and lightening, strong wind started to blow with the .....loo. Fortunately i had a candle with me to remove the dakness as there was current failure. It was me and the candle in front of me in the room with complete silence and i concentrated deap into the burning flame ...... the all peace is there in what i feel.....at that moment. Approximate of 7 inches of candle burned into 2 inches when the lights were on.....the burned 5 inches of candle was the time when my mind was full of thoughs and productive knowlege which i gathered inspite of a teacher............who says "you need a teacher to learn" is not the truth. Everyone has a best teacher within himself, but we need to find him and listen to him with lots off focus. Everone knows what is right and what is wrong, but we are forced to not accept it due to any of the problems and hurdels created by the instances of life.
At times in Bhubaneswar i was every much busy with my friends moving here and there, dont even thought that i will be apart from them ...... but now i feel myself much more responsible to my family, my career, my dreams to make it real. This lonelyness has put a full stop to the person who had no focus...... before i felt my life was my friends, the time i share is precious, how will they feel when i will not be there with them? .. But i speak truly it hardly matters.... I dont know i am turned selfish or what ..... poaching myself to place me in there life forcefully........ Then i understood we all have a diffrent life, commitments to our family respectivly, diffrent goals, diffrent burdens, and apart we are all diffrent human beings. So never to mix the emotional touch of friendship with the personal life. Even i felt it maximun in my Birthday on 9th March 2009 a celebrating occausion without no one inspite of the host.

Ending with the half said feelings off the day..... and promissing to return back tomorrow......with my blogs ..... which will furned to be my passion and excitement some day.

With signing notes.........

Sandeep Das