Shinking Mind....(Couple of Days)

Missed out two days ..... of my blogging ........... hum ..... hope i find myself in a safe place to do nothing in the day... Some days you are very much intrested to do nothing, no to work, no to the daily routine, no to get indulged in any matter, no to meet friends, no to share any thing with any one and ends up with sleeping the whole day, eating home cooked foods and watching TV if bored of sleeping. The same was of the day Sunday 22nd March 2009.

So missed the blog for Saturday. It was Saturday evening i returned back to Bhubaneswar from Bhadrak hoping to feel myself in into the hometown, to smell the presence of the known wind which blows in my hometown. It took me 3 hours to reach BBSR, i was just watching the time in my mobile in every 15 minutes thinking will i be late and calculating the time distance calculation and at end ends up with no result, as i am poor in calculation....hummm....

Sunday meant a lot when you are young. No School, no tension to rise up early from bed, stay away for a day from the teachers who pull your ears in any misconduct occourance. Sunday is deffrent for someone who is in a official job. No office reporting, extended lunch hour, spare time to spend for all extracaricular activities- movies, dinner, games, hanging out with friends. Being a professional Sunday has its own meaning.
How come i be so indulged into homeseakness, even i dont belive my self i stayed in the house for the hole day, having no intensio0n to do any thing diffrent just to feel i am in my home. All the happiness i used to get before .... roaming here and there and freeking with friends all day has no meaning now for me.

Hello!!! .... Hey....Hey.......Hey........... is it me.. Am i the same Sandeep i was before ............. the question put me into a lot off problems, will every one accept me with thios change.... how come it will affect my social life..... Ummm .... Don't know what will happen. Keeping my finger crossed for the future......hoping the blank pages would be filled up soon.

Sunday passed by and at end i was found with my thoughts and me together all alone ....... packing myself for the next weak cycle of my job life..... and planning and scheduling for the next Sunday to come......... but still in dought wether i will be taht much excited to come back once again. Because i am dead for my expectations and rules for the social life i was in few years back.

Pulled up my collar high, and walking tall expecting will end somewhere, where my parents will be happy of seeing me, I know apart from my parents, there are few more people who will be much more happier than me in my success.

For the sake of there expectation i leave for, this place sucks but put me back into the seat myself for every one who care for me. I dont have a mouth to express but people who know me they understand the silence communication even untold.
Very much different of all and putting my self into puzzled and get confused is my caracter. Hoping this shell breaks someday and i fly high in the sky with nothing to think of.

Bye for now..........and again promise to come back. Thanks for reading the blog.

Thanx & Bye

Sandeep Das

All Alone.....in Dark.....

Blogging..........i am very much new to this system of sharing the notes of our experiance to people whome you dont know in the internet, who read what in your blog, and conclude what, is not a matter of fact for me. Something or nothing what i want to share with me and ask me when i am sitting idle and thinking off is what i want to capture it in a systematic way is what i feel blogging is...........
It was 20th March 2009, evening 7.30 PM when i was in my room as off everyday alone listening to music to make me feel relaxed from all the tension of office and my inbalance created by my mind for my future and my personal life. Suddenly the sky got blue with thunder shoughting and lightening, strong wind started to blow with the .....loo. Fortunately i had a candle with me to remove the dakness as there was current failure. It was me and the candle in front of me in the room with complete silence and i concentrated deap into the burning flame ...... the all peace is there in what i feel.....at that moment. Approximate of 7 inches of candle burned into 2 inches when the lights were on.....the burned 5 inches of candle was the time when my mind was full of thoughs and productive knowlege which i gathered inspite of a teacher............who says "you need a teacher to learn" is not the truth. Everyone has a best teacher within himself, but we need to find him and listen to him with lots off focus. Everone knows what is right and what is wrong, but we are forced to not accept it due to any of the problems and hurdels created by the instances of life.
At times in Bhubaneswar i was every much busy with my friends moving here and there, dont even thought that i will be apart from them ...... but now i feel myself much more responsible to my family, my career, my dreams to make it real. This lonelyness has put a full stop to the person who had no focus...... before i felt my life was my friends, the time i share is precious, how will they feel when i will not be there with them? .. But i speak truly it hardly matters.... I dont know i am turned selfish or what ..... poaching myself to place me in there life forcefully........ Then i understood we all have a diffrent life, commitments to our family respectivly, diffrent goals, diffrent burdens, and apart we are all diffrent human beings. So never to mix the emotional touch of friendship with the personal life. Even i felt it maximun in my Birthday on 9th March 2009 a celebrating occausion without no one inspite of the host.

Ending with the half said feelings off the day..... and promissing to return back tomorrow......with my blogs ..... which will furned to be my passion and excitement some day.

With signing notes.........

Sandeep Das